Remember to read the post "My Story" before this one so that you start from the beginning.
To continue on to the "terrible twos" and the life my son and I shared during that time, I can only say that I had no idea what I was in for.
First of all, Anthony's (my son's) mother, tried to get custody of him, but I won the battle in court and in September of 2001, I was officially given full custody by the court system. It wasn't that difficult considering she hadn't seen him for more than a few hours on approximately 20 different days during the year and a half before she took me to court. Not to mention the fact that I had witnesses lined up to testify and attest to her drug abuse. So, full custody was mine!
Now on to what I had not expected and to very difficult times that don't let up for years to come.
I began getting reports from the daycare and from the babysitter who also worked at the daycare that Anthony was becoming aggressive towards other children and he also had a severe behavior problem. These problems began when he was around 2 1/2 years old. He was biting and hitting other children, biting himself, and along with throwing the normal tantrums, he was throwing his food and toys at other children and the daycare teachers. At first, we all chalked it up to the terrible twos and thought he just had it worse than other children. Well, needless to say, it didn't stop, it got worse. I was constantly getting calls from the daycare and the babysitter wanted to stop watching him for fear that he was going to hurt himself or her and she didn't want that responsibility. None of us knew what to do. The daycare was trying timeouts and taking away priviledges and at home I was trying the same along with an occasional spanking. Nothing seemed to work, so I decided to check Internet websites that offered suggestions and support for parents going through the same experiences that I was. I also talked to other parents and sought out and attended a parenting class.
None of us ever wants to admit that there is something wrong with our children, because they are perfect angels in our eyes, but after doing a lot of research, while still trying to keep up with full-time school and a full-time job, I concluded that he was acting out because he wasn't getting enough of my time. He simply needed more nurturing from me and more of my attention. Considering those facts, I decided to cut my hours in half at work so that I could spend more time focusing on Anthony and what was causing him to lash out and behave in such an unacceptable manner. I knew that if I cut my hours it would mean I would have to take out student loans to subsidize my living expenses, but as you all know who are reading this, your children must come first, so I did what I think any parent would have done.
My being home more and spending more time with Anthony seemed to help for about a month. He was still getting into trouble and showing the same defiant behavior, but it wasn't as often, so I thought I was getting somewhere with him.
Boy was I wrong!
To be continued...
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2 comments:
Hey this may not be about your blog, but im trying to start some programs to help single dads, i have been doing reaserch and planning on how to start such a program. some similare to the ones that alot of women receive, and wanted some imput i signed up for the blogg site to try to get some traffic and ideas from fathers. You seem like you woudl knwo the kind of stuff thats needed, and id like your advice, im also trying to get my site name out there to try to eventually sell adds on it to help pay for the footwork on the program (saddly nothing in life is free. Im in the middle of a custody battle and my son hasent "acted out" but he has started throwing little fits where he goes limp and wont stand up on his own, making me litterally have to A pick him up or B drag him( hands are full and hes outside and needs to be inside) should i be worried about this or is it normal? maybe the start of acting out?
I have had the same types of challenges, especially with the nurturing thing. I have had to do things that do not come natural to a guy like me. Hell, I was on the cover of Texas Trophy Hunters Magazine before and I'm singing cutsey songs to my lil' kids. They do need to be babied and it's hard to do, real hard man.
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